How do I Talk to My Aging Parents ... about Aging?

Bodies degenerate as people age.

And this is nothing new, as the Apostle Paul (aka Saul of Tarsus) observed some 2,000 years ago in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18,

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, ¹⁸ while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Are you spending time with your parents over the holidays?

Maybe all or most of your family tribe is gathering at "the folks" between Christmas and New Year's.

That is how it is playing out in the Krull family this year, as we gather in Berryton, Kansas.

What a blessing.

You are enjoying yourself, but you begin to notice something is a little different this year.

Your parents are a year older, and they are not quite themselves.

You are concerned.

Should you say something?

According to a recent KARE 11 article titled “Making the best care decisions for aging parents,” you will need to have a hard conversation about aging with your parents at some time.

You should plan to do this sooner rather than later.

Why?

It will save you and your loved ones stress, money, and energy.

If your parents were to face an emergency where they required urgent care, what would you do?

You would be scrambling to make decisions.

What level of care would they need?

Who are reputable providers?

How much can you afford?

Assisted living must be paid out-of-pocket, unless you have long-term care insurance or qualify for Medicaid.

Medicare will not cover assisted living.

Without careful planning, your parents could quickly drain their resources.

Unless they have sufficient cash flow to "private pay" from their own retirement savings, the best time for your parents to apply and qualify for a long-term care policy is when they are healthy in their 40s or 50s.

Gretchen and I took out our own policy when we were age 49.

The rates are cheaper the younger you apply.

No surprise there.

In addition, the chances of developing a disqualifying medical condition increase with the number of candles on your birthday cake.

If you think your parents will require Medicaid, then you should work with an experienced elder law attorney.

Start now as Medicaid applications have a five-year look back period.

These conversations are not easy.

Come to your parents in love and do not assume they have no plans.

Ask what they desire and then see how you can help them move forward.

Be very, very careful how you approach and care for your parents ... because your own children are watching.

I leave you with a poem to enjoy and ponder, as it is appropriate for this time (and any time of year), whether thinking of your father or mother:

"What I Want"

I don't want a pipe and I don't want a watch,

I don't want cigars or a bottle of scotch.

I don't want a thing your money can buy,

I don't want a shirt or a four-in-hand tie.

If you really would like to make this old heart of mine glad,

I just want to know you're still fond of your dad.

You women folk say, and believe it I can,

"It's so terribly hard to buy things for a man!"

And from all that I've heard I am sure it must be.

Well, I don't want you spending your money on me.

The joy that I crave in a store can't be had.

I just want to know you're still fond of your dad.

Get on with your shopping: Give others the stuff!

For me just a hug and a kiss are enough!

Just come in at Christmas with love in your eye

And tell me you think I'm a pretty swell guy,

With all that for my gift I can never be sad.

I just want to know you're still fond of your dad.

- by Edgar A. Guest

Reference: KARE 11 (Minneapolis) (November 27, 2018) “Making the best care decisions for aging parents”